Thursday, November 30, 2006

Amish Airlines...No Words Necessary

Hot, Sexy, Sizzling and GREEN

Here at Almost the News, we like GREEN COMPANIES, and on occasion try to give a green group or green product a plug, such as our piece on the Ecobabes efforts to raise funds to fight Global Warming by selling calendars. Which by the way, for those of you looking for a great Christmas gift, there are only 5000 of these rare treats. Another project that I've personally been following, and am very excited about is the Tesla Motor Company's entry into the environmentally friendly automobile category.

On an early blog I abandoned, this sexy car was featured a few times, and thought now was a good time to introduce my readers to it again. This is not your father's electric car, it's bold sleek styling flat out beautiful to behold, and the convertible is to die for. Earlier this year they offered up a limited edition of 100 cars that sold out so fast they had to offer up another 100 for those car aficionado's that can afford this luxury GREEN CAR...yes, sadly they are not cheap with a price tag right around $100,000. That being said, if Santa Claus is reading this article, I would not mind finding one under my Christmas Tree.

At the other end of the spectrum is one of the UGLIEST entries into the Green Car race I have ever seen, but then what can we expect, it's from HUMMER.

Need Christmas Shopping Time? PLAY HOOKIE

We all know the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season...cookies to be baked, dinners to be planned, decorating our homes inside and out, and of course SHOPPING...lots and lots of shopping and it all has to be done by Christmas Eve, squeezed in between Christmas Parties and drinking some serious Holiday Cheer. Looking at all these responsibilities and duties falling on the average American worker, what is and employee supposed to do?

PLAY HOOKIE...That's right, call in sick, fake a cough, whisper hoarsely into the phone that you ARE DYING! Not to worry, every one (almost) is doing it. What choice do we have? Let's be serious, our children, friends and family are counting on us to deliver the goods on Christmas, and sometimes getting those hard to find toys and gifts require some serious standing on line time. So, feeling pressured, need a few additional hours to take care of the real business of the season...TAKE THE DAY OFF, use up one of your sick days, tell them one of your children is vomiting all over the living room rug.

Holiday season rings in the phony absences
POSTED: 11:43 a.m. EST, November 29, 2006

NEW YORK (Reuters) -- One in three workers has called in sick when they're not in the past year, and the end-of-year holiday season brings a rash of phony absences, experts and studies say.

Harried workers are juggling shopping, holiday preparations and family obligations this time of year, on top of perhaps having run out of the year's legitimate vacation days, they say. And the mornings after holiday parties don't help.

"We do know just anecdotally in dealing with employers that there certainly is a higher rate ... associated with holidays, catching up on shopping, or spending time with family and friends," said Jennifer Sullivan, spokeswoman for, which conducts an annual survey of employee absenteeism. "You do see a higher incidence."

The firm's survey, released this week, showed that 32 percent of workers said they called in sick when they felt fine at least once in the last year, and one in 10 said they did so three times or more.

Women were more likely to take a sick day when they are not sick than men, by 37 to 26 percent, the survey said.

Bush Maliki Press Conference

OK, for all you LAZY folks that did not STAY UP for this exciting event, going to give you the low down on the Bush/Maliki Press Conference held in the middle of the night...PAY ATTENTION DAMMIT.

BLah, blah, blah, blah, Killing Innocent People, blah, blah

Accelerate, accelerate, yeah, accelerate, Right man for the job, accelerate.

Freedom Building, Democracy,,,,,,, accelerate, unify.

No graceful withdraw. (verse Cut and this bipartisanship in action?)

Blah, blah, unify, killing innocent people, terrorist

Iran, isolation

Respect our borders, stay out of our internal affairs

accelerate, accelerate, unify, accelerate

no trilateral talk was planned...denial

duck, duck, duck....accelerate, accelerate, unify, Sadr, Sadr, duck, duck, duck

accelerate, accelerate, right man for job

Give the President Of Iran A Piece Of Your Mind!

Hey FOLKS, are you tired of Iran's rhetoric? Think Iran should stop supporting terrorists, stop providing arms to Hezbollah? Want to unload and tell Iran's President just what you think of him? Well here is your on this link, and it'll take you to the President of Iran's Email the President Page! I bet if we all worked really hard on this, we could generate several thousand letters by tomorrow evening! Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wrote to us the American People, let's write him back and tell him WHERE TO GO. Want to read his tripe and political propaganda?

Write Iranian President, Mr. NUKE HEAD

Bush GETS TOUGH On North Korea...Takes Away IPod!

Bush to Kim of North Korea...give up your NUKES or WE GET TOUGH ON YOU! I'm not kidding here, it's time for you to give up your entire Nuclear Program, or I'm going to hit you where it REALLY HURTS! That's right, either give up your nukes, or I am taking away your IPod! OMG, talk about getting tough! You go George, smack that little Mini Me down, show him you are ALL BUSINESS this time around.

If this were not so funny, I'd cry. It is pretty pathetic when American Diplomacy has been reduced to threatening a leader of a foreign country with the loss of his IPod and upper shelf alcohol! What's next, cutting off M TV? Maybe take away his Game Boy? It's time to fire Condi Rice, and bring back Colin Powell, except he would not even consider returning to work for this administration short of the impeachment of both Bush and Cheney.

U.S. Aims to Ban iPod Sales to North Korea

WASHINGTON (Nov. 29) - The Bush administration wants North Korea's attention, so like a scolding parent it's trying to make it tougher for that country's eccentric leader to buy iPods, plasma televisions and Segway electric scooters.

The U.S. government's first-ever effort to use trade sanctions to personally aggravate a foreign president expressly targets items believed to be favored by Kim Jong Il or presented by him as gifts to the roughly 600 loyalist families who run the communist government.

Kim, who engineered a secret nuclear weapons program, has other options for obtaining the high-end consumer electronics and other items he wants.

But the list of proposed luxury sanctions, obtained by The Associated Press, aims to make Kim's swanky life harder: No more cognac, Rolex watches, cigarettes, artwork, expensive cars, Harley Davidson motorcycles or even personal watercraft, such as Jet Skis.

The new ban would extend even to music and sports equipment. The 5-foot-3 Kim is an enthusiastic basketball fan; then-Secretary of State Madeleine Albright presented him with a ball signed by Michael Jordan during a rare diplomatic trip in 2000.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


OMFG! (Can I say that on here?)

Anyway, lets get to this NEWS FLASH!

For the regular followers of "Almost The News"...I think we have two...monumental news was reported last week when our blog went into the BLACK profit wise. Now, I know some of you were skeptics, not overly impressed with our bottom line profits from our Ad Sense program. You missed the point of the post, the fact of the matter was, we were/are in the BLACK. OK, I admit it was not that big of a feat, but you take your wins where you can get them.

Well NAYSAYERS, put on your dancing shoes, someone call the Wall Street Journal, as this time around, BIG NEWS. In one week, "Almost The News" has seen a unprecedented 1900 percent JUMP IN PROFITS! We are no longer talking pennies here, or in the case of last week, ONE PENNY. NO WAY, we are talking BIG TIME here, the real McCoy...we are up to nickles and dimes folks! That's right, our total profits are up to TWENTY CENTS! This doesn't seem like much UNLESS you look at it in percentages, but as a percentage, this is larger than the new James Bond Movie, bigger than the TomKat wedding, even bigger than that time I thought I had got my finger slammed in the car door, but found out I was wrong....BOY, that was a big relief that day.

So, don't focus in on the 20 cents, that's not news worthy...instead, I want press releases all over the world announcing our blog's 1900 percent jump in PROFITS! Get out the wine, it's time to PARTY. By the way READERS...yes, talking to the two of you....start clicking on our advertisers, say hello to them....better YET, buy something. Today it's nickles and dimes, but tomorrow it's QUARTERS BABY.

Advertisers and investors, where are you? The lines are open. Tiffany, call me, and Godiva you know I love you babes, so send me some chocolates. Tesla Motors, that is a great electric car you have, lets talk! Bergdorf's!... got to have BERGIE on my blog.

Monday, November 27, 2006

The Loss Of A Dear Friend...Our Cat Boo...

Usually not one to be blue, in less of one to share bad news, but going to make and exception, and share here the beginnings of a tribute to Deniro Boo, a grand old cat. If you would like to read his Goodbye note to his Mom (my wife), the link has been provided below the brief intro here on this'll be missed BIG GUY.

This is a picture of Boo (Deniro) with two of his pals. He's in the foreground and beside him with the gold eyes is Shadow Dancer. Directly behind him guarding the vacuum sweeper is Snowball (Shadow's Mom). They both are going to miss The Booster, and so shall we.

This post will always be open to those wishing to leave a greeting to Boo, as he was always a friendly type, and will love knowing folks are stopping by to occasionally say hello. All cats are special, it's just that some are more special than we really ever knew. Our Boo was one of those cats that was special, and his absence is one that will take awhile to get over. We loved you BOO! Good bye dear son.

The Grinch That STOLE Christmas-Loma Linda Homeowners Association

Imagine putting a wreath shaped like a peace sign outside, perhaps hanging off the front door, or hanging on the side of the house, a part of the assorted Christmas decorations placed around for the seaon, only to have a few SNOOTY folks, and a WAY OFF BASE Home Owners Association order you to take it down, or face a daily fine of $25. Worse, when the board refused to support the action, they were FIRED! Well, "Almost The News" give you your chance to call this Home Owners Association, and give them a serious piece of your mind.
Loma Linda Homeowners Association
2493 Loma Linda Dr.
P.O. box 1139
Pagosa Springs, CO 81147
Phone: 970-264-6966

Updated: 10:59 PM EST

Subdivision Bans Wreath With Peace Sign
Homeowner Defies Board, Faces About $1000 in Fines


DENVER (Nov. 26) - A homeowners association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs. He said some residents have also believed it was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

"Somebody could put up signs that say drop bombs on Iraq. If you let one go up you have to let them all go up," he said in a telephone interview Sunday.

Lisa Jensen said she wasn't thinking of the war when she hung the wreath. She said, "Peace is way bigger than not being at war. This is a spiritual thing."

Jensen, a past association president, calculates the fines will cost her about $1,000, and doubts they will be able to make her pay. But she said she's not going to take it down until after Christmas.

"Now that it has come to this I feel I can't get bullied," she said. "What if they don't like my Santa Claus."

The association in this 200-home subdivision 270 miles southwest of Denver has sent a letter to her saying that residents were offended by the sign and the board "will not allow signs, flags etc. that can be considered divisive."

The subdivision's rules say no signs, billboards or advertising are permitted without the consent of the architectural control committee.

Kearns ordered the committee to require Jensen to remove the wreath, but members refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything. Kearns fired all five committee members.

11/26/06 20:50 EST

Ticky Tacky Award GOES TO...Talking Points Blog

Cruising through my links looking for Ticky Tacky, came across a whole new low in blogging, compliments of Joshua Micah Marshall over at the Talking Points Memo. Granted, we all hope to earn a living blogging, hope advertisers will beat a path to our blogs with FISTS full of dollars. We have our side bars set up, looking attractive, and we hope...that's fine, but Joshua Micah Marshall has taken advertising and the hunt for DOLLARS to a new low by forcing us to put up with advertising placed right into the blog area short, you cannot scroll through his musings and overly self important posturing without having to look at ads for ridiculous products...serious, these are ads for low end TICKY TACKY, which is why I am awarding Joshua Micah Marshall our "Almost The News" Ticky Tacky Award.
Sorry Joshua, no trophy, but maybe you can use the link back in this article as a means to generate a few more ad sense points for yourself.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Christmas Shopping Green Style...ECOBABES Calendar

Being and Eco-Friendly kind of a guy here, decided when I read the article below that I had to give the ecobabes a plug. You can help the efforts of green people everywhere...well, not every where, but out in Sonoma County in their efforts to reduce greenhouse emissions. This Green Friendly Bootylicious offering can be found at

Environmental climate heats up over pinups Raising funds and blood pressure with 'Ecobabes' calendar
Peter Fimrite, Chronicle Staff Writer
Sunday, November 26, 2006

Greenhouse gas may not be very sexy, but a group of self-proclaimed "ecobabes" in Sonoma County found a unique way to bring out global warming's naughty side -- posing for a pinup calendar.

The 12 female environmentalists were photographed -- fully clothed, for the most part -- in an effort to raise money for the Climate Protection Campaign of Sonoma County and seduce the public into reducing greenhouse gas emissions.

Friday, November 24, 2006

The Million Clicks Cannondale Boycott

Yes, time for another You Tube Video presentation...

Seems that Cannondale has presented George Bush with a very pricey (over $5000) custom built 2007 Cannondale Moutain Bike before they were even released into the stores....HOW CONVENIENT. If you are against the Bush Administration policies in Iraq, join the Million Clicks (or links) Boycott of Cannondale, demand that they take their bike back!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Monks Gone Wild...SERIOUS OUCH

If you thought you'd heard it all with Lorain Bobbitt, think again...seems a Monk, disturbed at getting an erection during his meditation WHACKED THAT SUCKER OFF, and with a machete no less. It's a GUY THING, but I winced when I read the story. Any thoughts I EVER HAD of joining a monastery, running around in a brown robe and drinking really great ale ARE GONE, out the window with this story. Gives a whole new meaning to taking a vow of Celibacy! Even funnier...this penis whacking occured in Bangkok! You have to love it, could not make up news any more off beat.

Buddhist monk cuts off penis and renounces refix
Wed Nov 22, 6:23 AM ET

BANGKOK (Reuters) - A Thai Buddhist monk cut off his penis with a machete because he had an erection during meditation and declined to have it reattached, saying he had renounced all earthly cares, a doctor and a newspaper said on Wednesday.

The 35-year-old monk, whose name was withheld for privacy reasons, allowed medical staff at Maharaj hospital, 780 km (480 miles) south of Bangkok to dress his wound, but refused reattachment, hospital chief Prawing Euanontouch said.

"We cleaned up the wound, gave him some stitches, but he declined to have it reattached because he said he had abandoned everything," Prawing told Reuters by telephone.

Prawing declined to comment on the monk's erection, which Bangkok-based Kom Chad Luk tabloid reported on its Web site.


Why is it that a little thing like THE LAW has to get in the way of a fun idea? Seems plans to break the World Record for smoking the largest dubbie have been canceled after the organizers read the FINE PRINT...DANG, I hate it when that happens! The SUPER JOINT planned for this occasion would have been five foot of KILLER GANJA, 100 percent super fine bud top, a full pound of mind altering bounty from Mother Nature's holistic case some of you are wondering, YES, I support the legalization of pot. Think about it...pot, a serious case of the MUNCHIES and Thanksgiving just go together like love and marriage, peanut butter and jelly, Mutt and Jeff, email and spam.

Speaking of Spam, what is it that people have against this meat delicacy of unknown origins? You've not lived until you've had a fried Spam sandwich on homemade seven grain bread with sliced Roma Tomatoes, fresh Boston Lettuce, and topped off with a generous dollop of spiced up Dill Mayo. A must have menu treat for any camping trip, and really easy to prepare.

Group scraps attempt to smoke biggest joint

Wed Nov 22, 9:29 AM ET

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A plan to roll and smoke the world's largest joint was cancelled at short notice in Amsterdam when the organizers realized they could be breaking the law.

"We have now read the small print and realize there could be problems," Thijs Verheij, one of the organizers, was quoted as saying by ANP news agency after consulting Dutch drugs laws.

The group had wanted to roll a five-foot-long pure-weed joint, stuffed with more than a pound of marijuana and containing no tobacco, and smoke it in a bar.

It had initially thought the attempt would be legal if 100 people each brought along the five grams of the drug tolerated by Dutch authorities for personal use.

"Unfortunately it looks like this will not be possible," Verheij said. The attempt had been planned for Wednesday.

A police spokesman said: "We would definitely have investigated this. If you make a single joint with half a kilo of cannabis in it, it would cross the line."

Verheij said the group had hoped to beat a record set with a joint containing 100 grams of marijuana.

Just In Time For Christmas

Just in time for Christmas, I happened to click on one of our "Almost The News" Ad Sense links, and what before my eyes should appear? Why a little Green Devil with a recipe for good cheer. OK, at 50, soon to be 51 I have not actually tried Absinthe, but have been wanting too, even went so far as to check out a few sites that ship it...however, nothing quite captured my attention until I found this site! Imagine making your own, and if you hurry, it can be done just in time for a Christmas Eve Night taste from the past. Green Devil is not one of our patrons, but their web site is so tastefully done that I had to give them a plug, and a link on our side bar...give them a click, and if you do, make sure to tell them that "Almost The News" says hello. Also, for certain readers here in my CLOSE circle of friends, even family, you are ALWAYS saying I am so hard to shop for...can we say CLUE?

Only In New York-Modern Day Robin hood

This is a must share video for a couple reasons.

First, in real life, versus my cyberspace reality here on Blogger, I am named after the forest of Robin hood fame. Seriously, even as an old stoner I can't make this stuff up...OK, unlike Bill Clinton, I did inhale. Secondly, my better half, the Goddess of Letters is actually a NATIVE New Yorker, raised on the Upper West Side. So, when I stumbled across this video on of a guy from England running around New York dressed up like Robin hood, and giving away FREE MONEY, just had to share it.

It's one of those things that could only be done in New York...well, unless it was filmed in Los Angeles, or San Francisco, even Chicago, maybe Kansas City, perhaps Louisville, and having been born in St. Louis, have to give them a nod as well. OK, it could have been a stunt in any of those cities, but it wasn't! It happened here, almost in my own backyard...OK, not my backyard, but about 40 miles from my back yard, but that's close compared to say Festering Wound, Arkansas or Aching Corn, Iowa. You can find out more about this merry band of folks at

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Our First Featured You Tube Selection

Who hasn't known the dark sorrowful abyss of rejection?

From childhood when we are denied that candy bar while grocery shopping, to being turned down the first time we asked someone out on a date, we have experienced, lived through it, and grown used to it. Rejection makes success all that more rewarding, provides us a backdrop for life's successes as we move into adulthood. How many fledgling writers, comedians, artists, and YES, even bloggers have known the bitter yet sweet despair of rejection? How many of us have reveled in that momentary desire to seek out revenge on the freaking numb nut, under educated, buffoon who has dared voice a negative thought about our body of creative works, how many of us have mumbled those famous words, "What do they know any way?"

For all of us who have been told no, for all of us who have excitedly opened up a letter only to find a politely worded thanks, but no thanks, we offer you this video in the hopes it will make you laugh at yourself, and the world. I leave you with these words of wisdom that were shared early on in my own artistic career...Don't take rejection so seriously, it's only one person's opinion of your work."

Internet Revenues POURING In

This just in from our Chief Accounting Officer...up for less than 12 hours, "Almost The News" is already IN THE BLACK! This astonishing reality, this leap into profitability should have people thinking GOOGLE, or at the very least You Tube on steroids. So, how did we do it, what was our magic formula? In a word...OK, in two words, Ad Sense! Their advertisers LOVE THIS SITE, the whole premise of it is REVOLUTIONARY in both vision and scope.

Let's look at the numbers. Cost of putting the blog on ? Nothing, zip, nada, or as we say in the industry, a FREEBIE. Laptop...borrowed. Office Space...who are we kidding here, I'm working at the coffee table in my living room while watching CNN...shhh, don't let that get around. Salaries and other compensations...none, we all work for nothing because we love what we do. So, start up costs for this blogging dynamo...NOTHING! Are you beginning to see it would NOT TAKE MUCH for us to move into the black? So, how much have we made so far in this venture?

Total earnings $0.01

With this incredible, even meteoric rise into profitability, thinking we should open up another bottle of wine while we wait for the investors to beat a path to our door. Today, a penny, tomorrow two, and then three...the world is our oyster, the universe waiting for our rising star.

A Worthy Charity Event for Thanksgiving

Tomorrow, we give thanks, then we FEAST, gorging ourselves on treats, meats and deserts fit for kings...some are not so fortunate, some here in the land of plenty will go hungry. There are a lot of charities that work to feed and shelter our nation's homeless. The "Almost The News" blog hopes you will support one of these, give up a part of your day to lend them a helping hand in helping the less fortunate. In this spirit of giving and thanks, we share with you a brief story from "The Washington Scandal Blog" on one such charity, and one event in Washington, DC.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Live in Washington, DC? Get Out Tomorrow and HELP THE HOMELESS

I'll be up early tomorrow baking our Thanksgiving pumpkin and pecan pies, preparing fresh cranberries, and doing up my own world famous deviled eggs. This early morning descent to the kitchen is a part of my family tradition, a part of the greater traditions that are Thanksgiving in the United States of America. Tomorrow is a time to give thanks, and also a time to share the bounty each of us has been blessed with. In Washington, there is just such an opportunity with the 5th Annual Thanksgiving Day Trot for Hunger in Washington, D.C.

If you live in Washington, it is not to late to be a part of this GREAT EVENT, and I would encourage you to show up and walk, run or crawl the 5K which supports SOME (So Others Might Eat), and interfaith group started in 1970 soup kitchen dedicated to the most basic needs of the homeless. Can't make it? Then how about sending them a small donation, or getting involved in their efforts by visiting their website? Some things in life should ALWAYS be bipartisan, and feeding the hungry, compassion for those less fortunate is one of them.

A MotherLoad of a Story

Almost The News is proud to bring you a story that is almost, not really, but sort of kind of in a round about way EXCLUSIVE. Actually, we stole this story, but it was SO BIG, we just had to share it here.

Comedy Central has heard the voices (we hear them all the time), listening to the huddled masses sitting in front of their silver screens...give us our video's, let us put "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" on our blogs! Unlike in Washington, the people have spoken, and Comedy Central has listened, and DELIVERED. There is a GOD, and can I have a praise Jesus from the congregation?

Comedy Central to Syndicate 'MotherLoad'

By Ed Oswald, BetaNews
November 16, 2006, 2:48 PM

Comedy Central plans to follow in the footsteps of YouTube by allowing its users to syndicate videos found in its "MotherLoad" video service. The changes, coming later this month, will be introduced along with a redesign of the company's Web site.

In many ways, this is also a victory for Adobe as yet another major content provider switches to the Flash video format. Once an also-ran in multimedia, the technology has quickly turned into the format of choice for its cross-compatibility with a variety of platforms.

Much of that success can be attributed to YouTube, which was one of the first sites to make heavy use of Flash as a format for streaming media.

Comedy Central executives told Reuters that those advantages were one of the reasons they selected the technology. Also, the syndication of videos was also a popular request. Grabbed videos will still contain advertising, although details are not yet finalized.

Watch This Space for New Launch

Coming soon, a new concept, a fresh idea, a conglomeration of visions brought to life over some Merlot of questionable vintage. The "Almost The News" blog is part of a joint effort to high light new comedic talent, and present news stories Ala "The Daily Show" with Jon Stewart, our inspiration, our primary news source, our choice for President in 2008. Think BIG FOLKS!

On You Tube, we are launching our personal channel, Comedy Decentralized...the link to follow. We also are forming a group on You Tube called, "The Daily Show Annex" where any one who has created an audition tape for the "Daily Show is welcome to share it with the world. We'll be featuring the best submissions along with other humorous Video from You Tube on Comedy Decentralized.

WATCH THIS SPACE for fast breaking developments.