Profits ZOAR at Almost The News

As regular readers here know, we have been experiencing UNPRECEDENTED PROFIT GROWTH, profit that makes Google seem like a light weight. I know we were only talking nickles and dimes, but the percentage jumps were HUGE! Our new goal was to see those nickles and dimes turned into QUARTERS! Such a feat would be continued profit growth equal to about 400 PERCENT! Think of it, if we could push our meager earnings up to just FIFTY CENTS since our last discussion on profits, we would have seen a 400 PERCENT jump in profits in the past two weeks! Donald Trump would be sending his limo up here to Peekskill New York to bring me into THE CITY for lunch...we are talking MONSTER GROWTH.

Well, Donald Trump had best be sending his JET, or at the very least inviting me to be on his hit TV Show, "The Apprentice". I mean just my mentioning him and his show here on this blog is and endorsement of MASSIVE PROPORTIONS...forget Tiger Woods, the Porgie has just given the Donald a plug! Anyway, back to profits discussions. Forget quarters here folks, and forget that 400 percent GROWTH...we are talking record shattering performance here, profit growth never before seen in the entire history of MANKIND! We here at Almost The News have just approved an Ad Sense campaign that gives us profit growth of over TEN THOUSAND PERCENT! We have jumped past quarters, no fifty cent pieces, but serious real DOLLAR BILLS, and not just singles either! We have fives, tens, even a TWENTY DOLLAR BILL! MY GAWD, we have enough to BUY BEER AND FREAKING PIZZA!

IF this keeps up, we may be able to attract the quality players to this blog...that's right, I AM TALKING PABST BLUE RIBBON BEER as an advertiser, or imagine, could it be that BUDWEISER (My home town brew) would put and ad on our site...imagine that, a Budweiser LINK! Their Banner right there for all the world to see! Godiva, I have got to have Godiva! Imagine CRAFTSMAN...I could get some free POWER TOOLS, be just like Tim The Toolman! I'd give a free BANNER FOR LIFE to Tesla Motors if they could toss me one of their Roadsters...convertible only though! Martha Stewart, she's doing houses NOW...I could move out of my refrigerator BOX into a real HOME! She gets a BANNER AD, I get one of those homes she has built by someone else with her name on them! I'd not keep it though, would sell the home, and fulfill my dream of owning a DOUBLE WIDE in a first rate trailer park!

Colbert SCORES BIG With Truthiness

Colbert's campaign to make Truthiness the WORD OF THE YEAR has paid some seriously big dividends...it happened! Merriam Webster's has stated that truthiness, based on an online survey best sums up the year 2006. Yet another feather in the bonnet of Colbert who some are pushing as the next President of the United States of America...who knows, it could happen.

'Truthiness' is the word of the year
POSTED: 10:48 a.m. EST, December 9, 2006
SPRINGFIELD, Massachusetts (AP) -- After 12 months of naked partisanship on Capitol Hill, on cable TV and in the blogosphere, the word of the year for 2006 is ... "truthiness."

The word -- if one can call it that -- best summed up 2006, according to an online survey by dictionary publisher Merriam-Webster.

"Truthiness" was credited to Comedy Central satirist Stephen Colbert, who defined it as "truth that comes from the gut, not books."

Other Top 10 finishers included "war," "insurgent," "sectarian" and "corruption." But "truthiness" won 5-to-1, Morse said.

Colbert -- who once derided the folks at Springfield-based Merriam-Webster as the "word police" and a bunch of "wordinistas" -- was pleased.

"Though I'm no fan of reference books and their fact-based agendas, I am a fan of anyone who chooses to honor me," he said in an e-mail to The Associated Press.